Darth Vader Is Not Clever - Part Two

Welcome to the rebellion.

We wish it weren't so, but Darth Vader, despite six movies in which to build on his early badass promise, has failed to live up to his evil potential.

Whole lot of choking going on.

In the first post on this topic, we discussed Darth Vader's initial, awe-inspiring appearance in Star Wars and his subsequent development from brutal, galactic overlord to a truly memorable and adaptable cinema villain.

We may have gone back to the theatre time and again to see Luke, Han, Chewie and Leia triumph, but it was Vader we truly couldn't get enough of. Every kid on the block went around breathing heavily through their mouths or into soda cans and juice bottles, imitating Vader's raspy, evil eloquence.

This was a guy who brought tough love parenting to a new level when seeking answers his own daughter. "Why weren't you home by curfew last night? I want to meet the boy who's taking you to the prom. what was that, no? Okay, fine. No prom. No planet!"

He has also showed a willingness to use old techniques (Drugs, interrogation droids, a good old-fashioned invisible neck squeeze. Classics all.) yet also take advantage of new technologies (the Death Star). All the while showing his disdain for overconfidence with any of these things.

"I find you lack of faith... disturbing."

Well, we didn't know Leia was his daughter at that point but it made a scary scene even more compelling and creepy in retrospect.

Anticipation for more of this villain ran high after Star Wars. Did Darth Vader survive being blown into space? What kind of malevolent retaliation would he inflict on Luke and the rebels for heaping such an indignant fate upon him? A generation of kids, both young and old, were in a perpetual fervor of expectation while they waited for the second installment of Lucas’ franchise in the making.

Case in point...

During a re-release of Star Wars to stir audience interest for the forthcoming Empire Strikes Back, I remember slowly shuffling out of the theatre as the credits rolled. I would have preferred to stay for the entire credits, letting John William’s heroic Star Wars score carry me through to a proper sense of denouement but the other patrons in my aisle made that impossible.

As the final credits rolled off the screen, light from the screen suddenly filled the cinema. Preview scenes from the new movie burst onto the scene! People dashed into their seats to take it all in.

We waited with baited breath through incredible shots of space battles, an eerie swamp plant and incredible machines fighting for dominance on a snowy planet, and for confirmation of Vader's return.

Back in black!

At last, a tantalizingly quick shot of the rebels appeared. We hushed as Leia, Han, Chewie and their droids entered a white room. At the end of long table, the Sith Lord Darth Vader rose, taking them, and us, completely by surprise. Han drew his blaster only to have Vader telekinetically snatch it form across the room with a wave of his gloved hand. The cheers were unbelievable!

Few screen villains will ever have that kind of impact of viewers.

Let’s face it. A good hero is nothing without a good villain. Batman isn’t playing with a full deck without his Joker. Dirty Harry wouldn’t have made such a sudden impact without his initial run-in with Scorpio. And Arnold Schwarzenegger was the hero and villain of his most famous film franchise. I’ll be back… and back… and back.

As we discussed in Part One of this discussion (Oh so long ago.), Vader showed remarkable adaptability and grew more efficiently ruthless in The Empire Strikes Back. It was a joy watching the Sith Lord learn from the typical mistakes so often found in middle-management (over-delegating, underestimating the experience and savvy of former mentors, ignoring the ability of young upstarts to bounce back) and take his first, tentative steps to rivaling the Emperor himself for space smarts and strategic thinking in this, the first of many sequels.

Darth realizes he is only one man and so, like any good manager, delegates. Hiring mercs who specialize in finding needles in cosmic haystacks for fun and profit is sensible step. It not only increases the odds of success, but these men are able to search the crevasses of space, the lowly, dirt-covered planets and systems where fugitives think they can hide.

A Star-Destroyer pulling into orbit led by a guy in shiny armor is sure to give anyone on the run advance warning. But the bounty hunters fit right in on the fringes of galactic society. No one sees them coming.

Unlike the Jedi, who rely on the Force and their own wits to persevere, the Sith make every effort to manipulate events and others to do their dirty work for them. Despite the blow to his pride, Vader’s plan of action is wholly in keeping with these tactics.

And it quickly pays off.

Boba Fett thinks much the way Han Solo does and tracks the Millenium Falcon to Bespin. In fact, he anticipates Solo’s flight plan. The audience is expecting Vader and his forces to arrive in pursuit of Han. But when Vader rises at the end of Lando’s Cloud City Dining Room, we are as surprised as the rebels. He’s been there all along and even had enough time for a quick, one-sided negotiation with Lando Calrissian.

Every step in this film, Vader becomes more dangerous. In his view, actions have consequences and he’s just the judge, jury and executioner to carry them out. He has no compunctions about encasing Han Solo in carbonite to lure Luke to a deadly confrontation. Vader toys with Luke, sharing the shocking secret of his true lineage and in so doing, forces the audience to rethink everything they’ve seen back through TWO MOVIES!

Skywalker family feud.


Give the man a hand.

Sadly, after almost achieving “Evil-Villain of the Month” greatness by freezing Han "That Annoying Thorn in my Armor" Solo and cutting off the hand of our eager, young hero, the menacing, adaptable Darth Vader of The Empire Strikes Back would wave goodbye and disappear forever at the end of the credits.

Empire Strikes Back attained that rare watermark for a sequel. It built on and outdid its predecessor without copying it. Much like the Godfather II and the antithesis of Die Hard II: Die Harder and every Friday the 13th movie ever made. The characters grew up, the stakes grew higher and more personal, and the villain truly grew into an even greater threat than he had presented in the first film.

Unfortunately, though The Empire Strikes Back solidified Darth Vader’s place as the scariest bugger in a certain galaxy far, far away, that particular Sith Lord would not appear in Return Of The Jedi. His cape, helmet and re-breather were turned over to an indecisive, pencil-pushing, ineffectual, middle manager.

It’s tragic tale of corporate ennui. Many up and coming professionals hit the glass ceiling at work after a meteoric rise to prominence. With no room for advancement as long as the Emperor hold the reins of power, even a Sith Lord may choose to coast.

Next: The downsizing of Vader.

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Introducing... Boba Fett

Welcome to the rebellion. I went absolutely bonkers for this cartoon as a kid, when it aired as part of the infamous Star Wars Christmas Special. The first screen appearance of Boba Fett was easily the best part of the show.



The animated short was like nothing I'd ever seen. The designs are part ILM/part fairground caricature artist/70's underground comix and it was our first ever look at badass Boba Fett. Even though Boba never actually does anything in this, it was all about the tease. This dude had potential to rival Darth Vader in coolness.

From small screen...


...to tall screen.

For a young Canuck like me, the most amazing thing was that this short was by by an upstart Canadian company named Nelvana, now one of the largest animation companies in the world.

It somehow made the possibility of being connected to that Hollywood/Star Wars universe so far, far way seem less remote. They so impressed George Lucas this short became a precursor to is a precursor to their later Droids and Ewoks series.

At the time they were making animated shorts in their Small Star Cinema series and moved into really unique, and awesome animated specials like their early Christmas Two-Step, their breakthrough production was A Cosmic Christmas. (Don't believe me? View it here!).

And of course, the Halloween special, The Devil And Daniel Mouse...

Which inspired their ambitious feature debut, Rock And Rule!

After the Star Wars Christmas Special, Nelvana continued the galactic holiday themed specials with Intergalactic Thanksgiving, Romie-0 and Julie-8, Take Me Up To the Ball Game and the not so sci-fi Easter Fever (the very first animation voice credit for Maurice LaMarche: voice of "The Brain" from Pinky & The Brain!).

All fun, unique specials. But this really is about Boba Fett. He's a man of few words but we'll give him the last words today.

Bad... Ass.

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Space Chick Flicks - Warming up those Chilly Hoth Nights

Welcome to the rebellion.

Our rebel entertainment spies have the straight scoop on upcoming Holo Transmissions from the Imperial Networks.

It gets pretty cold out in space. Makes a Hutt want to curl up with his favourite, dancing, slave girl by a roaring, nuclear furnace and chillax a while. If you want to get your fetching, fettered thrall into the mood why not skip the will-dominating cocktails and Jedi mind tricks for the month and take advantage of Chick Flick Month, currently running on Oprah the Hutt's female-skewing Oxygenesis Holo Channnel?

Host Darth Vader welcomes his special prisoner... er, guest, Princess Leia Organa, whose extended interrogation reveals not only where she sent the plans to the Empire's new Death Star weapon, but also her personal, top choices for favourite cinema classics.

Every week night, the battling Skywalkers will be airing a beloved tear-jerker, a warm-hearted, laugh-because-it's true comedy, or a female-empowering, ball-busting personal manifesto with plucky female protagonists to help pass the stark, hopeless hours spent isolated in Cell 2187, Detention Block AA-23.

Last night they kicked things off with the ten-hankie Terms of Enslavement. The rest of the week serves up Sith Magnolias, Brief Close Encounter, The Devil Wears Blast Armor and Runaway Jedi.

Who could hate Monday's when next week's line-up kicks off with Breakfast at Tarkin's, Dune Sea Beaches, Under The Tatooine Sun, Bridgit Jones' Hologram, and a Friday double feature of All About Evil and Little Wookiees?

The following week brings us A Pod With a View, Educating Leia, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sithhood, Looking For Mr. Goodjedi and a special screening of the juggernaut, three-hour Gone With The Plans on Sunday evening.

Oxygenesis brings the month to a close with a final week of The Way We War, Fried Green Tauntaun, My Big, Fat Hutt Wedding, Four Sequels and a Funeral Pyre and finally, You've Got Sub-Space Chatter.

Whew!

That's a lot of chick flick points you'll have accrued next time you're picking movies at the Cineplex. But don't watch too many with her or she'll think you actually dig movies where nothing explodes and nobody gets blasted.

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Young Sherlock Holmes Still Brings It

Welcome to the rebellion.

Over at Kung Fu Monkey, writers Mark Waid and John Rogers agree: Young Sherlock Holmes is worth a second look.

They are so right.

This Spielberg-produced, much overlooked film is a lovely gem and even has a clever sequence utilizing early computer effects more seamlessly than many of today's bloated CGI monstrosities. Taking advantage of the flatness of early computer creations, they animate a smashed, stained glass window in wonderful fight sequence/hallucination.

Chris Columbus's cleverly scripted the tale of how Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson met and became good friends and comrades at arms. Little touches include where Holmes got his deerstalker hat and how he formed his theories on deduction.

The film is surprisingly sweet and enjoyable, true to the canon in general, and actually quite poignant at times. It also makes an excellent case for Moriarity as a true villain for the ages. He is played most convincingly here by Anthony Higgins, who would go on to play Holmes himself in Sherlock Holmes Returns.

It's lovely to look at too, with cinematography by Stephen Goldblatt, excellent performances all around and nuanced direction by Barry Levinson.

What I most remember about the film though, is one of my favourite soundtracks of all time by Bruce Broughton. It's quite a magical suite of music and never fails to carry me away. Listen to portions of here at Bruce's site.

Yoda says, "Seek out and great viewing pleasure find you will."

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A New Year - A New Hope

Welcome to the rebellion.

With a New Year comes New Hope for the coming light year. Despite all the darkness that resides in the world, we can go forth with a real desire for change, large and small. You can give yourself a positive, low-stress jump start on that by following this advice:

For the next month avoid embracing the Dark Side.

When you are confronted with a choice, any choice, that may lead you toward behavior that will diminish your view of yourself and make you feel less than the terrific person you are, make a better choice. Not the best choice necessarily. Just a better one.

It could be a a small tart or fruit for dessert rather than a hunk of cake. Or simply choosing not to spend fifteen minutes on blah, wasted internet surfing and going outside. Celebrate the small victories and the larger will become more possible.

May your New Year be filled with grace, change, passion, creativity and love.

And may the Force be with you.

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What's In Our Holiday Holo Stocking?

Welcome to the rebellion.

As the Empire negotiates a controversial bailout of the Commerce Guild and the very shady Intergalactic Banking clan, we all tighten our belts and settle in for a sombre holiday season.

I say, let go of that negativity, you gloomy Gus, and do what we’re all meant to do on the holidays; blindly cling to the hope that the better nature of all sentient beings will lead us into a new hope for the coming year. And what better way to do than to overload our sweet tooth with sweet as candy cane, holiday classics?

This week the universe celebrates Life Day and the sub-space Holo Channels have a raft of holiday treats to give us all warm fuzzies while our once peaceful galaxy falls to the unrelenting, dark might of the Imperial Alliance.

HOME BOX HOLO kicks it all off with a Life Day marathon of classics, starting with Dome Alone and Dome Alone II: Lost on Coruscant. I know, their definition of classic doesn’t seem to jibe with the rest of the universe’s idea of the term does it? Add Rebel Life Day Vacation and A Muppet Life Day Special to the list of wrongly labeled classics lined up for our amusement.

Actually, I’m all for the Muppets doing anything. I've spent hours at my favourite Muppet Fan Site, Muppetcentral.com, Heck, our beloved Jedi Master Yoda used to be a real muppet, back when he had a personality and an ability to make audiences care about him. He lost all that when he went under the digital knife for a CGI chin augmentation, tummy tuck, pixelsuction and spinal repair on his scoliosis hunchback. Sigh... I always loved the hunch. Or maybe it's the holidays making me wistful.

For those of you with little clones running around blasting up the dome, SITHOLODEON has a full day s of family-friendly fare including Frosty the Snow Wampa, Red-Five The Red-Nosed X-Wing and Santa Claus is Coming to Space. It’s all capped off by everybody’s favourite animated ode to the holidays, A Jedi Brown Christmas (Whatever Christmas is… Nudge nudge. Wink wink.).

On Life Day Eve, VADER CLASSICS runs the really good stuff. Miracle In Star Quadrant 34 has an early, seven o’clock start so the little wookiees can catch the whole movie and still be in bed in time for Santa Paws. At nine, it’s the universal favourite, It's A Wonderful Force. Then my personal fave, Darth Scrooge (Or A Life Day Carol, as we purists prefer to call it.) takes us through midnight.

So celebrate, kick back, crack open some of this Princess Leia approved blue nog and enjoy the holidays!

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Serial Disappointment

Welcome to the rebellion.

Geek Quote of the Week!

From The Big Bang Theory, Season Two, Episode 25. Sheldon isn't pleased to find Leonard watching the animated Clone Wars TV series.

" I want to watch the Clone Wars movie before I see the Clone Wars series. I prefer to be disappointed in the order George Lucas intended."

Booyah! In one, pithy line a generation of discontent is encapsulated!

Okay. End of rant.

Now it's time we all admit it.


It's all worth it.


All the lame acting, dull direction, wooden characters being moved like checkers across a board instead of growing and interacting is worth it for the magic those first movies have filled ourt lives with. And even his disappointing follow-up films have things for us to take away and cherish (and they're more precious for all the near misses those films contain.)

We have been able to play in his world for a generation. And today the next generation is even more excited about George's world than we may have been!

Sure, we whine and complain but we keep coming back. Why would we do that unless it's all worth it? I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't have star Wars growing up.

George must be doing something right.

Now if only he'd let me in on the script meetings. God, I know I could save him so many problems.

Oops, I'm back to ranting.

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The Geminis vs the Emmys

Welcome to the rebellion.

I think it’s safe to say from my first experience with the Canadian Gemini Awards, (our equivalent of the Emmy Awards) that the true north strong and free has it all over our southern neighbours and their Emmys. I can say that with some confidence because my wife was nominated for a News and Documentary Craft Emmy this year and I was nominated for a writing Gemini. This dual award experience provided us with a unique perspective on both events.

How did the Canucks manage to out-celebrate the big, bad Americans? Why, with a touch of class, a little forethought and lot of thinking ahead.

First of all, the Geminis held a little reception shindig weeks before the event. That allowed everyone in attendance to relax and truly mingle as they drank and downed their gourmet champagne. No one was nervous yet and so there was precious little of that whole "people looking over your shoulder hoping for someone better to talk to” thing you run into at major functions. Everyone nominated was invited, not just the big names in the big categories. So there was no separation of artists and artisans based supposed importance.

At this year’s untelevised Emmy Awards my significant other had to stand through a very formal and tense reception right before her awards, forbidden even from sitting at a table as she ate for fear of appearing too aloof. Few were drinking and those that did sipped, wary of overimbibing.. They were all worried about what they might have to say if they won. Would they remember everyone’s name? How much time do they have again? Or, they were trying to make those important contacts with people they wouldn't otherwise never have a chance to connect with.

During the show her company was seated in the mezzanine overlooking the main hall, prompting the assumption that no one from their group could possibly have won. Why else would they seat them so far away from the stage?

To their shock, two of their number did win and then the show really began. Victors carefully inched their way down the lengthy aisle. “Excuse me.” “Pardon me, please.” “One side, winner coming through.” Once at the aisle, the flush of victory still on their face and only the slightest flagging of applause to be heard, recipients then walked up to the upstairs lobby where they waited for an elevator to take them down to the main lobby so they could walk into the the auditorium and make their way to the stage!

Naturally, the hosts had been given no warning as to how long it might take a winner to reach them. And the videos of each winner’s piece lasted only twenty seconds or so each. Even playing it three times would leave the hosts with five or more minutes to fill. And sadly, vamping is not generally in the skill set of most journalists.

In this year’s case, the delays resulted in ad libs like the hilarious bon mot, “so… how about that economy?” Comedy gold. What a lovely way to make an extremely long show extremely longer.

I have several potential solutions for this situation to offer the Emmys, free of charge!

1 – Have hidden cameras in the elevators so the audience can watch winners check their teeth, practice their speeches and curse out whoever seated them. That would add to the drama and give the hosts something to riff on.

2 – Hire the local SWAT to repel winners seated in the balcony down to floor level in seconds. Live action stunts are always riveting.

3 – A terrific cross-promotion with American Airlines could result in inflatable airplane slides at either side of the balcony. Just remember to ask winners to kindly remove their shoes before sliding. And hang on to your skirts ladies!

So how did our untelevised Canadian nights compare? Pretty ding dang good, I must say!

Though tickets were expensive we did see out money at work. The three ceremonies were held at the Liberty Grand in Toronto. So it was that on the second night we arrived for the Lifestyle, Children’s & Youth gala. It was a most glamorous evening, with the obligatory cocktails before dinner. A walk through the courtyard to the main event in extremely cold temperatures did not dampen our spirits even if it did chill our toes.

The room was sleek and everyone sat close enough to the stage to get therewith expedience. Dinner was delicious, though many pondered being served a large helping of guacamole in a martini glass with only three chips. Three chips and a 1/2 lb of guac? Such a delicious waste. Sigh.

As to the show, it was surprisingly brisk, though I have heard other nights with more awards to give out did drag. The bits were all short and tailored quite well to the surprising guest presenters like the Cashman himself, local jeweller and supporter of the arts Russell Oliver and Mike Holmes paying to tribute to the fine craftsmanship of his rival Bob the Builder.

One interesting thing about the presentations is that many of the awards were announced two at a time. Not only did this speed things up considerably but it also gave us all something to watch as people made their way to the stage to take their turn at the acceptance speech. But how Canadian is it to wait in line for your turn to accept an award? I can picture our American cousins wrestling each other to be first at the hardware.

In short, it was a fine, spirited night. And truthfully, just being nominated for the show and episode that introduced me to my wife so near to our anniversary would have made for a spectacular evening.

Then I won.

Er, then I, and the two writers who shared my award won.

I mean, OUR award of course.

As my writing partner quipped later, “We’ve done it both ways and truly, winning is better.”

As for me, it just puts a lovely cap on a show that gave me a woman to spend the rest of my days with. I contributed only one sentence to our acceptance speech, but it still rings true.

This award is the icing on my wedding cake.

Emmys zero. Canada ten. The winner... Canada.

Game over.

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NaNoMo - Deadlines, More Powerful than Hyperdrive

Welcome to the rebellion.

The clock is ticking quickly down to the start of another NaNoMo and for once I've remembered it before it began. NaNoMo isn't baby talk for no more milk, it's National Novel Writing Month. Though truly, it has grown into an international event. You can learn more about the event at its website here.

The gist of it is this... Thousands of people across the globe gather any spare scraps of time they can from their daily to power through a novel of 50, 000 words. Quality is not the point. Quantity is. The idea is to avoid editing or agonizing over plot points. That slows you down and all but guarantees your novel will languish in a an unfinished state for months and possibly years.

Going for word count only as the days rush by helps you avoid the inner editor and let the story itself take hold. Hopefully, you will end up with a first draft. And truthfully, all first drafts are crap. But once they're done, you can really see what you have and fix it. It's in the later editing stage that your gem will truly begin to shine, or not.

So NoNoMo is here every year to take away all our precious excuses and force people to just get tha dang down on paper, or on the screen. The rules are pretty straightforward:

1. Do not start your novel before Nov. 1. You may have an outline and background material but not a word of prose can be typed before the month begins. If you started early, you will always be aware that you cheated and when the going gets tough your likelihood of giving up increases. "Hell, I cheated anyway so what's the point?"

2. Do not bring in an already started novel to complete. It will be too precious to you and make the whole month painful and likely fruitless, as well.

3. You cannot collaborate on the 50, 000 words. This is a personal challenge. But you are encouraged to get your friends and family to go for their own novel so they can share the ups and downs with you. That community spirit helps you feel less alone in your battle of the words. That's why the site has community boards in all the main areas and writing events throughout the month.

These on-line and public hook-ups for people allow us to combat the sheer loneliness of writing, which is at once a wonderful escape to utilize and expand your mind, heart and soul, yet also a debilitating experience when the writing gets tough or a problem seems insurmountable. Sharing the burden can transform that agony into a wonderful experience.

Also, let your non-writing friends and loved ones be cheerleaders (and gentle needlers when your spirit is flagging). Then they too can share in your sweet, sweet victory at month's end.

4. The official site is the home of the official word count calculator. You can submit your novel privately and it will tell you how many words so far and then delete it from their server. No one reads it until you're ready for them to.

5. You can use pen and paper but you won't be able to calculate word count as easily. The site uses the honour system for that. They also give some extra time for a novel to be typed up.

That's about it. Again, no mention of quality here. They just want us to pump it out and prove to the world and ourselves that we can do it.

I know at least one friend who has done it and is likely doing it again this year. And yesterday, another friend declared her intentions to me. That's one of the great tricks of writing a novel in a single, caffeine-fueled month; the more public your declaration of intent, the more embarrassment you suffer if you give up.

The NaNoMo has discovered a fuel more powerful than the Enterprise's dilithium crystals and a Star Wars gravity well projector combined; a deadline.

I never accomplished anything without an outside deadline burning at my ass. As I've grown older , I have realized most people are like me in that regard. That's why I took a writing partner in the first place (along with the fact that we collaborated well, or course)... I knew I'd be too afraid of letting her down to ever not finish my share of the work.

I suspect deadline's are the key to many of mankind's greatest achievements. But I work on deadlines every day. Yet I know I don't organize my time to it's fullest potential.

Dare I try to do my work, share quality time with my wife and write the novel I never knew I had lurking within me?

Heat up the warp drive and use the sun's gravity to slingshot you forward in time and you'll know before I do! Otherwise, keep checking in and all will be revealed.

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A mirror of this post and other thoughts on the business of writing and ideas are at a my new blog: Stark Raving Adventureblog.

Star Wars Sunday Comic 008 - Leia

Welcome to the rebellion. Here is the latest Sunday Comic from the Imperial News: Leia.

With thanks and apologies to Cathy creator, Cathy Guisewite. She put her finger on that Sex And The City pulse (minus the sex) long before Candace Bushnell's original book came out.

It's funny to think of such a powerful woman as Leia concerned with the minutia of Cathy's day to day travails. The mix really works although I have found that I can't seem to do one without making the final gag as sick as possible. I suspect that says more about me than it does about Guisewite's strip.

Most daily comic strips strive to hit a certain mark in terms of humour. It's what makes them recognizable and comfortable enough for repeated viewing at breakfast tables across the continent. They're easy to take for granted as they take aim for the same comedic bullseye every day. And few do it better than the Comics Curmudgeon. But they still can surprise. Remember the surprise and furor when Guisewite followed the logical next step and decided her comic foil should get married?

Much like Mary Tyler Moore blazed a trail by featuring a single, independent, career woman making her way in the world, Cathy was one of the first mainstream strips to follow a single, independent, career woman and be drawn by a woman. And she's more than happy to throw in a message here and there.

For more Imperial News comics click here. For more on Cathy click here. For an in-depth analysis of Cathy, click here.

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