Welcome to the rebellion. The following book article was smuggled out of an Empire newspaper and cost the lives of eight valued rebels. We hope it helps you make wiser summer reading choices.
SPACE CAPSULE REVIEWS
Aiwha Soup For The Soul by Depak Chewbacca - Another warm fuzzy, love yourself hug from the universe’s most centered creature. If all of us could go through life with the faith and love that this guy has, there’d be no rebellion. We’d just kick back in a hammock with those rebel scum and share a brew. But we’re not, so we won’t. Death to the Rebellion!
In Cold Blood by Boba Fett – The most frightening glimpse into the mind of a killing machine since Abattoir Droid J-101’s children’s primer, See Spot Kill. Fett conveys his sorrow at the loss of his DNA father, Jango, with far more effectiveness and patience than Lucasfilm’s lazy, directionless, wooden, souless, characterless, emotionally bereft, empty movie version of Boba’s life, Star Wars Episode Pi, Attack Of The Crap. But I digress. Love them or hate them, you’ll never look at bounty hunters the same way again. A must read.
Jabba Dearest by Bib Fortuna – (*Spoiler Alert!) A lethal cocktail of avarice, dishonesty and revenge spice up this fascinating glimpse into the psyche of one of the most disgusting, feared creatures in the Galactic underworld. When you’re not throwing up from the graphic descriptions of Jabba’s intimate interactions with his slave trade, you’ll fascinated by the intelligence with which he built his private empire. And it’s all anchored by a surprisingly tender love story with dancing girl, Oola, heir to his empire… until Jabba feeds her to a rancor.
Dune Sea by Frank Herbert - Much more engaging than his previous holo book, Beach Blanket Bongo Party People Of Dune, Herbert has returned to the socio-political trappings of his greatest triumphs. Frank has fired all eighteen editors of his last effort, despite the fact that it made more than all of his other holos combined. An engaging read, at least the parts I stayed awake for.
The Jundland Wasteland by TS-3PE-lliot – A handsome annotated edition of the famous Sith poet’s epic decent into the madness of the Dark Side. Not compelling reading but he Emperor comp-els you to read it. Or suffer the consequences.
The Dooku Code by Dan Dan Binks – An endlessly readable thriller that follows the secret of the lost Jedi archives buried deep within an ancient holo-portrait. The tale carries you along at such a brisk pace you won’t have time to notice the ridiculous plot contrivances, complete lack of individual characters and plot holes you could fly an escaping smuggler’s Millennium Falcon through.
Postcards From The Dark Side by Lord Vader – What can one say about a book written by one of the supreme powers in the Empire? A power well-known for his long memory and distaste for weak-willed disobedience? Thankfully, it’s a witty self-effacing joy to read. And Lord Vader shows a surprising talent for clever, authentic-sounding dialogue. I wish it were twice as long. And you can tell Lord Vader I said so. Seriously, please tell Vader what I said and beg his forgiveness for losing Solo. He's one tricky Corellian.
END TRANSMISSION
SPACE CAPSULE REVIEWS
Aiwha Soup For The Soul by Depak Chewbacca - Another warm fuzzy, love yourself hug from the universe’s most centered creature. If all of us could go through life with the faith and love that this guy has, there’d be no rebellion. We’d just kick back in a hammock with those rebel scum and share a brew. But we’re not, so we won’t. Death to the Rebellion!
In Cold Blood by Boba Fett – The most frightening glimpse into the mind of a killing machine since Abattoir Droid J-101’s children’s primer, See Spot Kill. Fett conveys his sorrow at the loss of his DNA father, Jango, with far more effectiveness and patience than Lucasfilm’s lazy, directionless, wooden, souless, characterless, emotionally bereft, empty movie version of Boba’s life, Star Wars Episode Pi, Attack Of The Crap. But I digress. Love them or hate them, you’ll never look at bounty hunters the same way again. A must read.
Jabba Dearest by Bib Fortuna – (*Spoiler Alert!) A lethal cocktail of avarice, dishonesty and revenge spice up this fascinating glimpse into the psyche of one of the most disgusting, feared creatures in the Galactic underworld. When you’re not throwing up from the graphic descriptions of Jabba’s intimate interactions with his slave trade, you’ll fascinated by the intelligence with which he built his private empire. And it’s all anchored by a surprisingly tender love story with dancing girl, Oola, heir to his empire… until Jabba feeds her to a rancor.
Dune Sea by Frank Herbert - Much more engaging than his previous holo book, Beach Blanket Bongo Party People Of Dune, Herbert has returned to the socio-political trappings of his greatest triumphs. Frank has fired all eighteen editors of his last effort, despite the fact that it made more than all of his other holos combined. An engaging read, at least the parts I stayed awake for.
The Jundland Wasteland by TS-3PE-lliot – A handsome annotated edition of the famous Sith poet’s epic decent into the madness of the Dark Side. Not compelling reading but he Emperor comp-els you to read it. Or suffer the consequences.
The Dooku Code by Dan Dan Binks – An endlessly readable thriller that follows the secret of the lost Jedi archives buried deep within an ancient holo-portrait. The tale carries you along at such a brisk pace you won’t have time to notice the ridiculous plot contrivances, complete lack of individual characters and plot holes you could fly an escaping smuggler’s Millennium Falcon through.
Postcards From The Dark Side by Lord Vader – What can one say about a book written by one of the supreme powers in the Empire? A power well-known for his long memory and distaste for weak-willed disobedience? Thankfully, it’s a witty self-effacing joy to read. And Lord Vader shows a surprising talent for clever, authentic-sounding dialogue. I wish it were twice as long. And you can tell Lord Vader I said so. Seriously, please tell Vader what I said and beg his forgiveness for losing Solo. He's one tricky Corellian.
END TRANSMISSION
No comments:
Post a Comment